


Not Even a Goodbye

by forestbirb (kawaiikyojin)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, M/M, i'm sorry my darling, poor Marco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 06:26:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13607493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawaiikyojin/pseuds/forestbirb
Summary: I'm still not over it. I don't think it's possible to be over something so deeply rooted.





	Not Even a Goodbye

The cavern in my chest ached like nothing I’d ever felt when I learnt. A pit. He was too young, _far_ too young to suffer, let alone…

I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

I wanted to tear my eyes out when I happened upon him. Even though I didn’t recognise him at first, I mean how could I?

Have you ever seen a dead body? Not just in a film or on TV. A real one. That had a real family and real friends. I wouldn’t wish the sight on anyone. Usually when people find out about a death of someone close to them, they’ll feel like they were punched in the gut, probably cry for a long time.

I had to witness it first-hand.

I didn’t cry. I didn’t even feel sick from what I saw. I didn’t feel much of anything initially. My friend. My _best_ friend. Marco... The only one who kept me going through everything that had happened was taken away from me. I didn’t know why or how, I couldn’t bring myself to ask any questions at all.

The first stage of grief is denial. I wanted _nothing_ more than to deny it. To _refuse_ the truth. In such a violent and ruthless world, you’d think there would be some kind of higher power that could shield us from such things. That was the day I learnt that praying was futile. There was no one that would help us.

When I finally cried for the first time, his body wasn’t even with me anymore. By that time, all I had were my memories of him and the heat from the fire that he was fuel for. The choked sobs made my lungs hurt, my eyes stung from crying dehydrated tears. People from the training corps were around to pay respects or mourn as well but I’d truly never felt so alone. Without warning, the only person I’d ever _loved_ was gone in an instant. Every recollection of him drove the point home again and again; my clothes were soaked with tears but nothing could make me stop. Nothing could make me forget.

I was alone.

Alone.

Every second he wasn’t with me was another reminder that I lived in Hell, we all did.

I loved that boy. He was my guiding light, he put his faith in me. He changed me in a way that no one else ever could. He was so special and I would have given my life to him. I wish… I could have given my life to him. I have to be determined to keep going, to keep fighting to take our world back, that’s what he would tell me.

But Marco, what’s the point if you’re not here?

**Author's Note:**

> hi i'm bee i haven't posted in almost two years BUT!!!! get /ur/ butts ready for chapter 3 of Don't Look Down which is comin soooooon because.. i'm almost done now, yes, after two years....
> 
> but in the meantime, i'm sad and apparently angst writing works as a good outlet for me? hey, ya learn something new every day


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